I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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