eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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