haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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