fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
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Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
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I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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