so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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