Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
