that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
