I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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