I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
