My sheets look like a crime scene.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
