My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
