I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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