dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
