YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
