I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
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i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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