Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
