Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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