Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
