Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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