That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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