My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
