I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
