it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
