This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
