You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
