Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
