I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
