do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
