this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
