Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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