You're so nebulous sometimes
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
