I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
