You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
