she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
