Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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