Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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