DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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