In the future we'll all be gay
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
