Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
