That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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