I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
