i think my tv is drunk
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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