If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
