Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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