it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
