I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
