..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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