I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
