I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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