And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
