Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
