he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
