My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
