I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
no you cant smoke seaweed
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Still dying that you shit outside
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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