planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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