Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
worst night to have a conscience
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
