I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
