You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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