so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
