I want to stick my p in your. b.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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