I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
