he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
