At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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