not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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