did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize