After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
