you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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