I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
