just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
