Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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