oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Send help, water and tortillas.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
