i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
