white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
