she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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