yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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