just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
