All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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