i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
