It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
