i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
