Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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