So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
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There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
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We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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