It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
